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Microsoft's web site offers us "100 Reasons You'll Be Speechless" over Windows Vista. Quoth the copy: "Using Windows Vista for the first time may leave you searching for words".

Er, yes... searching for words, and finding them. After the initial shocked silence, Vista users (and refusers) are anything but speechless. They're speaking loudly, and speaking lots. Saying far more than Microsoft would like them to. Saying things to make even a Ballmer cringe. Vista has struck them downright loquacious. In fact, Vista users are rediscovering words they thought Mom had washed out with that bar of Ivory so long ago.

Think we're being snarky and making that up? Nope. Let's listen in to 100 things people are really saying about Vista, shall we? (A warning: it gets rough in there...)

The view from 30,000 feet (or: Through the crosshairs)

1. "Vista is a flop. A disaster. Dead."

Let's start out with a few choice media headlines, just to capture the mood:
The Vista Death Watch
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2704,2209837,00.asp
Three Reasons Why Windows Vista is Sinking Like a Rock
http://www.dailytechnobabble.com/2007/02/26/three-reasons-why-windows-vi...
Why Microsoft must abandon Vista to save itself
http://www.news.com/8301-10784_3-9785337-7.html?tag=nefd.only
Vista Nightmare: The “Oww!” Starts Now
http://www.pseudomarketing.com/vista-nightmare-oww/
FAQ: Giving up on Vista? Here's how to downgrade to XP
http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&...
Time for a Vista Do-Over
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2704,2254104,00.asp

Hoo boy! Ebola gets a better rap. Well, put on your waders; there's lots more where that came from. Into the breach:

2. "Vista is one of the 10 worst tech products of 2007!"

Here's the verdict from IT powerhouse CNET: "Any operating system that provokes a campaign for its predecessor's reintroduction deserves to be classed as terrible technology. Any operating system that quietly has a downgrade-to- previous-edition option introduced for PC makers deserves to be classed as terrible technology. Any operating system that takes six years of development but is instantly hated by hordes of PC professionals and enthusiasts deserves to be classed as terrible technology... Windows Vista conforms to all of the above. Its incompatibility with hardware, its obsessive requirement of human interaction to clear security dialogue box warnings and its abusive use of hated DRM, not to mention its general pointlessness as an upgrade, are just some examples of why this expensive operating system earns the final place in our terrible tech list."
http://crave.cnet.co.uk/gadgets/0,39029552,49293700-10,00.htm

3. "Vista is the most disappointing tech product of 2007!"

PC World isn't about to dispute CNET, naming Vista the most disappointing product of the year: "Five years in the making and this is the best Microsoft could do?... Many of the innovations the operating system was supposed to bring--like more efficient file and communications systems--got tossed overboard as Microsoft struggled to get the OS out the door, some three years after it was first promised. Despite its hefty hardware requirements, Vista is slower than XP... The user account controls that were supposed to make users feel safer just made them feel irritated. And at $399 ($299 upgrade) for Windows Ultimate, we couldn't help feeling more than a little gouged... No wonder so many users are clinging to XP like shipwrecked sailors to a life raft, while others who made the upgrade are switching back."
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,140583-page,5-c,techindustrytrends/art...

4. "This took five years?"

And billions of dollars. Yet many have called the final Vista "alpha quality" software. (That means "at a stage barely ready for testing". It's bad.)
http://www.itwire.com.au/content/view/13114/1090/
"I’m looking at my copy of Windows Vista and wonder ‘what has Microsoft been doing for the last 5 years?"
http://chris.pirillo.com/2007/08/30/mac-os-x-leopard-vs-microsoft-window...
"Why, after five years waiting for the most important product from one of the biggest companies on the planet, was I left feeling with such an overwhelming feeling of "Is that it?"
http://community.zdnet.co.uk/blog/0,1000000567,10006214o-2000331758b,00....
"Five years for a chrome-plated turd... If this is all the billions, man-hours and years brought, what was the point? We get a bloated, DRM infected rights removal tool that advances the state of the art to where Apple was the better part of a decade ago, and we are supposed to call this progress?"
http://www.theinquirer.net/en/inquirer/news/2007/01/30/vista-makes-me-sa...
"...sexy party dress aside – it’s the same old tart underneath. Contrasting what was originally promised with what was finally delivered, Vista (nee Longhorn) has spectacularly failed."
http://www.regdeveloper.co.uk/2007/04/29/vista_end_dream/

5. "What happened to all the promised features in Vista?"

Fast Boot? Gone. "Something obviously went awry. As Computerworld is reporting, a number of Vista users are none too happy about Vista boot-up times."
http://blogs.zdnet.com/microsoft/?p=378
PC-to-PC synchronization? Dropped. "Microsoft officials said they cut the feature due to quality concerns."
http://www.microsoft-watch.com/content/desktop_mobile/another_windows_vi...
WinFS? Perhaps the first big casualty that told the world something was seriously wrong. "Originally announced as one of the three "pillars" of Windows Vista... WinFS was to revolutionize how users and developers interacted with the files on their computers."
http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20060625-7128.html
And so on. "All the cool and promised features of the original vision of Longhorn were gutted simply because it was beyond Microsoft’s capability to implement those features... Microsoft should have scrapped the project two years ago and instead patched XP until it could deliver something hot."
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2704,2209837,00.asp

6. "Vista isn't ready for release!"

It's widely called beta-quality or even alpha-quality software, depending on how angry the voice. Either way, opinion is near-unanimous that Vista was launched before it was ready. Says the BBC's business editor about Vista problems: "My conclusion? For all the expensive and much-extended gestation, Vista was not ready for commercial release."
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters/robertpeston/2007/02/an_open_let...
"Vista Is Incomplete... Vista probably won't be truly ready for prime time until that first service pack version, possibly later this year."
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,128669-page,1/article.html
"Vista is basically XP, prettified with different bugs... It's memory hogging, slow, and still feels unfinished, but the same can be said about every previous version of [W]indows..."
http://rufuswhite.blogspot.com/2007/09/vis-vista.html

7. "Vista? Yawn."

What if you threw your biggest product launch ever and nobody came? It'd look like this: "...few residents... had come out for the launch of Microsoft's much-ballyhooed operating system, Windows Vista. At CompUSA, slightly more than a dozen people wandered the aisles waiting for the stroke of midnight, when the software giant's latest system would go on sale... "When I was on my way in, they were lined up," said a CompUSA staff member who asked not to be named. "I asked, are you here for Vista? They all shook their head" (A comment from one attendee spoke beautifully on behalf of Vista launch 'revelers': "I don't really have a reason... It's just something to do.")
http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2007/01/72601
More: "All day, Microsoft had presented an agenda of glitz, glamour, and unusual spectacles...[but] it was quite clear that the majority of the people waiting in line were eager to capitalize on the slashed prices and had no real interest in Vista or Office 2007."
http://www.news.com/Vistas-actual-launch-Think-whisper,-not-bang/2100-10...
And more: "Vista’s buzz borders on nonexistent. Its launch has not lived up to expectations by any reasonable measure. Sure, you have some cheerleaders out there, but if you look closely enough, you’ll find they make a living supporting and advocating Microsoft’s technologies first and foremost. Vista is not setting the world on fire, and people are actively trying to avoid upgrading. There were no lines out any door at midnight anywhere for Vista... The “wow” has not started now, even with most people (including me) loving the new Vista TV commercials. They’re good. But that’s where the “wow” for Vista begins and ends for me."
http://gracefulflavor.net/2007/03/06/vista-backlash-grows-key-advocate-m...
Now see The "Wow" for yourself:
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2007/01/wow.html

8. "Vista? Why?"

"PC Advisor surveyed its readers and found out that 67% would prefer their new computer come with Windows XP over Vista... "
http://vista.blorge.com/2007/10/21/pc-advisor-67-prefer-windows-xp-over-vista-upgrade/
Or in words from Microsoft Watch that put all of Vista into perspective: "Microsoft promised WOW, but the reaction was, 'What?' What is different from Windows XP? What is wrong with the hardware requirements? What is the difference between 'Capable' and 'Ready?' What is this Software Assurance requirement for Vista Enterprise? What happened to the familiarity of Windows XP? What is wrong with my Vista applications and hardware?.. More recently the 'W' question is 'When?'--as in when will Microsoft release Vista Service Pack 1?"
http://www.microsoft-watch.com/content/vista/vista_one_year_later.html
"When I look at Vista, there's really nothing there that's a must-have kind of feature."
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,137635/article.html
"Tech is going smaller, cheaper, lighter. Vista is going bigger, more expensive, more demanding. Is that where you want to go today?"
http://seekingalpha.com/article/30042-10-reasons-why-microsoft-s-vista-h...

Vista's mark on Microsoft (or: Redmond needs a hanky)

9. "Vista: The end of the Microsoft empire?"

It isn't only users that have Vista problems. Microsoft may have the biggest problem of all: "MS is in a rut. The firm has cowered, co-opted or bought all the critics, and any message coming out of the press will be well scripted... Vista could have been innovative instead of warmed over. Vista could have defended our rights instead of raping them. Vista could have been lean and mean instead of bloated and DRM slowed. Vista could have brought new ways of doing things instead of the same old same old. Vista could have been cheaper instead of a stealth price increase. Vista could have pioneered new ways of letting us use computers instead of activated tethers and licence problems. Vista could have been compatible and advanced standards instead of breaking software in the name of locking you in... I think we would have been better off if MS packed it in and spent the money on the moon shot they are so fond of making comparisons too."
http://www.theinquirer.net/en/inquirer/news/2007/01/30/vista-makes-me-sa...
"...Microsoft better start moving faster with its operating system upgrades or it can look forward to a long slide in market share as people decide that the Mac experience is just plain better. Apple is a bigger threat than ever to the empire in Redmond, Wash."
http://www.mercurynews.com/business/ci_7310593?nclick_check=1?sr=hotnews
"Right now, Microsoft has nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. After all the hype surrounding Vista, the Emperor has finally been revealed in all his naked glory. Some folks have been predicting the demise of Microsoft."
http://www.regdeveloper.co.uk/2007/04/29/vista_end_dream/

10. "Abandon Vista, Microsoft!"

The press is even telling Microsoft to abandon Vista altogether! "Never before have I seen such an abysmal start to an operating system release... The road ahead looks dangerous for Vista and Microsoft must realize that... Microsoft must abandon Vista and move on. It's the company's only chance at redemption."
http://www.news.com/8301-10784_3-9785337-7.html?tag=nefd.only
"Microsoft can scuttle the entire product. Why not? Work on a whole new OS starting today with one team and work on SP3 for XP with another team to keep users on Windows."
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2704,2209840,00.asp
"Vista has turned into the desktop operating system no one wants, and even Microsoft is beginning to get it... Whatever you do, even if it's just sticking with XP, you'll be doing better than moving to Vista. Vista is the walking dead of the operating-system world."
http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,1895,2190228,00.asp

11. "Vista shows that Microsoft is spread too thin"

Umpteen OS products, consumer software, enterprise software, game machines, music players: all things to all people is a recipe for a mess, and people are noticing that anew in the wan light of Vista. "Now Microsoft wants to be in the advertising business because Google is in the advertising business. Meanwhile, it can’t do its real job."
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2704,2209837,00.asp

12. "Microsoft knew they were releasing 'a pig'"

Within Microsoft, there are (or were) those who knew where to lay blame. Jim Allchin, who left Microsoft the day Vista was released, said in a now-famous memo to Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer, "...we lost our way. I think our teams lost sight of what bug-free means, what resilience means, what full scenarios mean, what security means, what performance means, how important current applications are, and really understanding what the most important problems [our] customers face are... I would buy a Mac today if I was not working at Microsoft. If you run the equivalent of VPC on a MAC you get access to basically all Windows application software (although not the hardware). Apple did not lose their way... They think scenario. They think simple. They think fast."
He closes with this simple summary of Longhorn (the initial code name for Vista), "LH is a pig."
http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/microsoft/archives/110354.asp
(The memo was written three years before Vista's release, and even the strongest detractors will have to acknowledge that Microsoft made great improvements in the intervening time. Yet not so much changed after all, as Vista has been ravaged by the same criticisms since the day of its release.)

13. "Microsoft's most loyal fans can't praise Vista!"

Although aimed at pre-release Longhorn, the following rant was noteworthy not only for its venom but also for its source: columnist Paul Thurrott, recognized as one of Microsoft's most ardent cheerleaders. "Microsoft has yet to ship Windows Vista, and it won't actually ship this system in volume until 2007. Since the euphoria of PDC 2003, Microsoft's handling of Windows Vista has been abysmal. Promises have been made and forgotten, again and again. Features have come and gone. Heck, the entire project was literally restarted from scratch after it became obvious that the initial code base was a teetering, technological house of cards. Windows Vista, in other words, has been an utter disaster. And it's not even out yet. What the heck went wrong?... If blame is to be assessed, we must start with Gates. He has guided--or, through lack of leadership--failed to guide the development of Microsoft's most prized asset. He has driven it into the ground... Promises were made. Excitement was generated. None of it, as it turns out, was worth a damn. From a technical standpoint, the version of Windows Vista we will receive is a sad shell of its former self, a shadow... [W]e do not and should not expect to be promised the world, only to be given a warmed over copy of Mac OS X Tiger in return. Windows Vista is a disappointment."
http://www.winsupersite.com/reviews/winvista_5308_05.asp
Jump ahead to the post-launch era. Improvements are certainly evident, and Thurrott is mollified in part; I won't purport to speak for him. But from elsewhere: "Even some of Windows' most loyal users are finding that its poor performance, lousy software support and pathetic driver support is too much to stomach."
http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,1895,2190228,00.asp

14. "I'm mad at Microsoft!"

You may have read the story of the disappointed mom who tackled Steve Ballmer over her daughter's Vista problems: http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&...
There's a lot of Microsoft-directed anger out there. Here a power user takes Microsoft to task: "I was loyal to you for so long. I stuck with you through thick and thin. From DOS 5.0 through XP. Through decent functionality and through countless crashes. But this new operating system is the last straw... You’ve terrified folks like my poor dad. He is afraid to install new software for any reason. He mumbles things like “Computers – you just can’t trust them.” He’s been conditioned that if he tries to install a new program or download an update – even if he does it correctly - something is likely to go awry for no explicable reason... You made millions of poor secretaries and office workers cry just for trying to do normal things like printing and saving... The secret is out, Microsoft. The reputation that you can’t be trusted to deliver reliable software is getting around fast."
http://www.pseudomarketing.com/vista-nightmare-oww/
The BBC's business editor writes an open letter to Bill Gates: "Give me back my weekend. I bought a new Windows Vista laptop – and that’s when the trouble began... The only thing that gives me any comfort is that I am apparently not alone in my Vista-stress."
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters/robertpeston/2007/02/an_open_let...

15. "Vista marketing is senseless!"

Says a key Microsoft observer: "I wasn’t a big fan of the “Wow” campaign around Windows Vista. But its newest incarnation — “100 Reasons Why Everyone’s So Speechless” — might be even worse."
http://blogs.zdnet.com/microsoft/?p=851
"According to Microsoft, Vista brings “clarity” to our lives. What the hell is that supposed to mean?... We all know the truth - Windows XP is perfectly fine, and Microsoft’s PR machine is just inventing reasons for us to buy something we don’t need."
http://tech.blorge.com/Structure:%20/2006/11/10/five-reasons-to-avoid-wi...

16. "Vista marketing is sleazy!"

Even before the class-action lawsuit over misleading "Vista Capable" marketing, Vista marketing has raised eyebrows. "Microsoft and AMD have sent free Acer Ferrari 1000 and 5000 notebooks loaded with Vista to a group of high-profile bloggers... While Microsoft’s PR department may have thought it was a great idea, the give-away is attracting criticism."
http://tech.blorge.com/Structure:%20/2006/12/27/microsoft-crosses-the-li...
Not entirely a Vista addition, but along the same theme: "If you can’t beat ’em, bribe ’em. That’s Microsoft’s newest tactic for promoting Windows Live Search, whose share of the market is declining despite a multimillion-dollar marketing campaign... The Redmond Recidivists are offering enterprise customers $2 to $10 worth of Microsoft swag per seat to ditch their Google and Yahoo toolbars and go “Live” in IE7. Meanwhile, Steve Ballmer has criticized Google because it hasn’t “reinvented itself” enough. So, to recap: Making a product people use because it actually works is bad business, but arm-twisting, trash talking, and bribery are the keys to long-term success."
http://www.infoworld.com/article/07/03/22/13OPcringely_1.html

Acquiring Vista (or: Getting set up)

17. "Vista's versions are a confusing mess!"

Windows Vista Starter, Windows Vista Home Basic, Windows Vista Home Premium, Windows Vista Business, Windows Vista Enterprise, and Windows Vista Ultimate. Plus a couple extra versions for Europe. Pre-launch observers predicted: "The sheer number of Windows Vista versions is going to cause massive consumer confusion." http://www.winsupersite.com/showcase/winvista_editions.asp
That's proven true since Vista's launch.
A kinder review notes: "It all sounds confusing, but in reality consumers are only going to really need to choose between FOUR different Vista versions."
http://www.techwrighter.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=53...
Vista's multitude of versions is fodder for the competition. Apple, for example, gets good milage out of this ad poking fun at Vista choices: http://movies.apple.com/movies/us/apple/getamac/apple-getamac-chooseavis...
Similarly, CEO Steve Jobs scored laughs with his quip about Mac OS X Leopard's single version: "Basic version, $129. Premium version, $129. Business version, $129. Enterprise version $129. Ultimate version, $129".

18. "Vista's upgrade paths are just as confusing!"

There are actually more than six versions of Vista: upgrade options add four more. "Microsoft is losing consumer operating system market share to Apple for many reasons... That's why it may be such a costly error for Microsoft to make the Vista upgrade such a confusing mess."
http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&...
Microsoft provides an upgrade matrix to help out... or not help out: "Good lord. That chart looks like a city block's worth of malfunctioning traffic lights."
http://macslash.org/article.pl?sid=06/08/01/0032250
Even after making a choice, upgraders need to watch out for trouble. A representative sample: "Many users have lost, or were never provided with, installation disks with their PC. Because they have XP or 2000 installed, they may decide to save money and buy an Upgrade version. If their disk later dies, or they need for whatever reason to reformat, they will then have to buy a second copy of Vista, this time, the full version. Ouch!"
http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&...

19. "Upgrading to Vista is a pain!"

For many, Vista problems begin at installation. Let the business pros at Forbes tell it: "Should you upgrade your current machine? Are you nuts? Upgrading is almost always a royal pain. Many older boxes are too wimpy for Vista, and a 'Vista-ready' unit Microsoft upgraded for me could see my wireless network but not connect to it. The diagnostics helpfully reported 'Wireless association failed due to an unknown reason' and suggested I consult my 'network administrator'--me. Yet I've connected dozens of things to that network, including other Vista machines, a PlayStation 3 and Microsoft's own Xbox 360... My recommendation: Don't even consider updating an old machine to Vista, period. And unless you absolutely must, don't buy a new one with Vista until the inevitable Service Pack 1 (a.k.a. Festival o' Fixes) arrives to combat horrors as yet unknown."
http://www.forbes.com/free_forbes/2007/0226/050.html

20. "Upgrades are so much easier on other systems!"

"In the long years since XP was launched, Apple have come out with five major upgrades to OS X, upgrades which (dare I say it?) install with about as much effort as it takes to brush your teeth in the morning. No nightmare calls to tech-support, no sudden hardware incompatibilities, no hassle. Why hasn’t Microsoft kept up?"
http://www.regdeveloper.co.uk/2007/04/29/vista_end_dream/
(It has to be noted that Apple's Leopard upgrade hasn't been problem-free for everyone, though most troubles involved use of unsanctioned third-party hacks to OS X.)

21. "Why are some Vista versions so limited?"

Then again, maybe there aren't so many real choices after all. A typical comment: "Have you ever looked at Vista Home Basic? Calling it a dog is an insult to all hard-working canines. It can't run Vista's eye candy, the Aero Glass interface. It doesn't have DVD video authoring or Media Center support. Compared to Windows XP Home SP2, I'd call it a downgrade."
http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,1759,2169153,00.asp
Not surprisingly, many reviewers call the higher-end versions the only real choice for a serious shopper. Which leads to the next complaint:

22. "Vista is too expensive!"

The word got out before launch: "An overwhelming majority of users say the prices of the various editions of Windows Vista as posted on a Microsoft website yesterday make the product too expensive, according to a new poll." http://www.itwire.com.au/content/view/5450/53/
And the word spread after launch. Says Computerworld, "Are you sitting down? The full version of Windows Vista Ultimate costs $399. If you have an XP CD, and don't mind the hassle, the upgrade version of Vista Ultimate costs $259. Ouch!"
http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&...
But Vista's impact on the pocketbook extends beyond software:

23. "Vista's hardware requirements are unbelievable!"

Hardware requirements have sparked endless criticisms.
You'll need lots of memory: "Microsoft's on-the-box minimum RAM requirement "really isn't realistic," according to David Short, an IBM consultant who works in its company's Global Services Divison. He says users should consider 4GB of RAM if they really want optimum Vista performance. With 512MB of RAM, Vista will deliver performance that's "sub-XP," he warned."
http://www.computerworld.com/action/article.do?command=viewArticleBasic&...
All modern computers need that much memory, right? Wrong. "In contrast to Microsoft's Windows Vista, [Mac OS X] isn't a memory hog... it can run just fine on an older Mac with 512 megabytes of main memory. Vista really needs something like four times as much to run all applications smoothly... Mac OS X 10.5... isn't a fat pig."
http://www.mercurynews.com/business/ci_7310593?nclick_check=1?sr=hotnews
"A new level of the absurd… Windows Vista requires more hardware resources than Microsoft’s Windows for Supercomputers. Yet one operating system is designed to run on home computers while the other is aimed at the high-performance computing (HPC) market."
http://www.indianpad.com/story/142664
The lesson: If you're looking at Vista, make sure you choose a PC that's Vista Capable.
Then again, maybe not:

24. "Windows Vista Capable is a lie!"

"A lawsuit alleges that Microsoft Corp. engaged in deceptive practices by letting PC makers promote computers as "Windows Vista Capable" even if they couldn't run the new operating system's "signature" features."
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/310004_msftsued03.html?source=rss
Microsoft denies the claims, but the press has harsh words in response. "What actually happened was that they discovered that "Capable" was proving incapable. Nice one, Microsoft! No wonder I've been hearing your customers—not Mac fans or desktop Linux users—referring to Vista as Windows ME II."
http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,1759,2169153,00.asp
But if you're confused by the meaning of "Vista Capable", don't worry – so is Microsoft.
http://www.zdnetasia.com/news/business/0,39044229,62035012,00.htm