Best corporate speak monstrosities

You can't laugh at technology without laughing at companies, and you can't laugh at companies without laughing at – and often because of – corpspeak. We all run into those polished gems of meaning-free blandishments with every synergy-mobilizing press release, every paradigm-transforming media quote. I was reminded to start clipping these after some recent howlers from Microsoft, a company whose reps have no idea how to speak like humans. But neither they nor the tech sector are alone in that.

Here's a small start. Set phasers to empower!

"Based on the feedback we've received from partners and customers asking us to enable a richer small notebook PC experience with Windows 7 Starter..."
Microsoft on removing some pointless limitations from Windows 7 Starter. [Well, the announcement itself is welcome, but how about leaving the marketing meetings once in a while to re-discover English?]

“We’re working hard to transform the PC and Microsoft buying experience at retail by improving the articulation and demonstration of the Microsoft innovation and value proposition so that it’s clear, simple and straightforward for consumers everywhere.”
Microsoft announces its own Appl– er, Microsoft – Stores. You may have to read that a couple of times to get it, but it's a declaration that Microsoft is going to make things simple and easy to understand. Dear. God. The. Irony.

"Create online tactical copy solutions that support seasonal/brand strategies and drive sales profitability."
Clothing retailer Eddie Bauer calling for copy writers to "create online tactical copy solutions" instead of "write copy". Maybe this was intentional, to highlight their desperate need.

What wince-inducing examples do you have? Come on, everyone, let's strategize tactical empowerment solutions to enable richer articulation of value proposition experiences!