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FOUND: Steve Jobs's next liver

Wanted: Liver

Surely you've followed the story of the next-generation Apple iPhone left behind in a bar by one of the company's employees. The disguised device was taken home by another bar patron who sought to find the owner of what seemed a normal iPhone – but which, upon closer examination, proved to be a prototype model with higher-res screen, front-facing camera, and other new features.

The phone holder sold it to gadget blog Gizmodo, which in turn contacted the hapless engineer who lost the device; as of this writing, it appears the phone will make its way back to Cupertino. So that's good for Apple – except that the whole world is watching the drama play out, and we all know that Apple does not like its cats debagged.

According to Gizmodo's tale, the phone-dropping employee is still at Apple, much to the surprise of the gawking crowds. Whew! That's like hearing the welcome news that the victim of a seemingly-fatal car crash is still on life support. I guess even the famously vindictive Steve Jobs can forgive and forget an honest slip-up, right? Sure; he must have found a more mellow and generous spot in his heart after all those health scares in recent years.

But then again... A couple more details about the engineer caught my interest. Reports say he's 27. So he's young. And, given a Facebook comment the guy made expressing surprise at the delights of German beer, I'll surmise that – the role of a bar in the story notwithstanding – he's not an experienced drinker. I'll go so far as to guess that he's healthy.

So. He's young, he's healthy, and he left Apple's Next Big Secret in a bar for all the world to see. I think the reason the poor fellow's not six feet under in the Lisa landfill is this:

Steve's just found his next organ donor. 

(Gizmodo describes the engineer as "an Apple fan who always wanted to meet Steve Jobs". Well! He's going to find himself downright close to Steve's heart!)

LEAKED: Microsoft Retail Store Concept Sketch!

Microsoft Retail Store Concept Sketches

You heard it months ago: Microsoft plans to open retail stores. Why? Because Apple has stores. But Microsoft surely has selling stuff and other business-y goals in mind too.

Well, you won't need to wait the few weeks (?) remaining before launch to get a peek inside the MS retail experience. This site has acquired a leaked concept sketch, believed to represent one possible configuration (if not necessarily the one shoppers will see). Take a look!

Open large-size image in new window 

Mmm, mall-licious!

Okay, so they've got the desire, they've got the money, and now we know they've got the plans on paper. But retail's not easy, even if those fruit guys make it look so. The question we're all asking: Does Microsoft have the competence to pull this off?

Never fear! Remember, these are the folks behind Windows Vista, the Zune, and the many recent high-profile Windows ad campaigns. Living proof that if there's one thing these people abound in, it's in competence. 

The security experts

Today I received a Hotmail-sent message, with this in the signature:

Hotmail: Powerful Free email with security by Microsoft. Get it now.

Today I also saw numerous articles on this topic:

Thousands of Hotmail passwords leaked online

So far, it's a day of no surprises.

The 5 Most Ridiculously Awful Computers Ever Made

TIMEX Sinclair

For lovers of tech humor, CRACKED pokes fun at five ill-fated wastes of silicon. Hmm, I don't know much about the Coleco Adam or Apple III, though I vaguely recall the TIMEX Sinclair. (Laborious typing of BASIC programs on a membrane keypad – and then doing it all over again with every session? At $99, it was the cheapest pain out there!) And then there's the Audrey "Internet appliance" – I heard some noise surrounding its launch, and nothing ever since. Now I know why.

Good stuff. Any machines that CRACKED neglected to mention? I'm thinking hard, but unable to come up with something worse than those choices. And you?

The 5 Most Ridiculously Awful Computers Ever Made

Corny spoof video makes fun of Windows 7 Launch Parties

All ready for your Windows 7 Launch Party? MS is running a campaign to move the "launch party" concept from the streets and stores (where the wistful sound of chirping crickets provided an awkward backdrop to Vista birthday bashes) and into your living room. You'll invite your friends (whom we hope will have the tact to leave their MacBooks at home), and you'll show off Windows 7 features under your choice of festive themes: PhotoPalooza, Media Mania, Setting Up With Ease, or Family Friendly Fun. (Interestingly, Launch House Party planning is handled by Houseparty.com, not MS; the latter seems to mention the parties only on internal forum pages like this one.)

Could be fun, given the right people. Not people like the ones in the send-up video below! It's a great spoof. Check out the painfully stilted dialogue, the scripted jokes, the cheesy mock-reality shaky camera. You gotta love the sarcastic twisting of marketing copy into "natural" conversational banter: "When everyone was settled, I led an overview of my favorite Windows 7 features!" "I showed the guests Windows-dot-com-slash-help, and it's a great site for people to get more information!" "Windows 7 is all about the computer user!"  All hammily acted by a carefully selected, ad agency-approved lineup of gender-, ethnically-, and age-diverse "friends" who are thrilled by Win...

Huh? You say I was misunderstanding this video all along? It's not a spoof, it's the real Windows 7 Launch Party promo for prepping party hosts? Oh my. I can just imagine what Internet wags would do to a helpless piece of meat like this. Which would explain why MS and/or Houseparty.com have wisely disabled commenting on YouTube...

Oh well, in terms of professionalism it fits right in with all recent MS ad campaigns. Enjoy!

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